Raw
by OktoberDaina
Summary: A discussion about loss spawned by boredom between the sniper and the hacker.


**Raw**

****

**raw:** _adj._  
1. Uncooked: _raw meat_  
2. Untrained and inexperienced: _raw recruits_  
3. Having subcutaneous tissue exposed: _a raw wound_  
4. Cruel and unfair:_ a raw punishment_

****

It was a quiet Saturday, with little activity save for a skeleton crew keeping the underground facility running smoothly. Since the bloody assault at Cobra Island, everyone had been given mandatory leave, except for few who had no where to go, or in the case of Michelle LaChance, were still in a bit of legal trouble. Even though there had been a few who had returned, the place was just...._creepy_.

"This sucks rocks." She muttered to herself for the twentieth time in the last hour. Saturday meant off-duty day in her case, and playing on the Internet did not have the appeal it used to once it became her full-time job.

Her head came into slow contact with the ergonomic mass of flexible material that lay before her keyboard, eyes open as the boredom threatened to gift her with a headache, when footsteps sounded and ceased outside of the open door near her terminal. Firewall could hear soft breathing as the steps turned and entered, approaching her and stopping. The hacker's eyes shifted to the right, falling upon scuffed black combat boots.

"Is there a reason you're taking a nap on your keyboard? What's this?"

The lightly accented voice belonged to Lt. Daina Janack, the newest addition to the team. Shaded goggles rested atop her head, holding short lengths of blonde away from her smooth forehead. Cerulean eyes narrowed as the sniper scrutinized the computer monitor.

"It's MAME. It's a video game emulator. I was playing Space Harrier." To demonstrate, Firewall started the game.

"Welcome to the Fantasy Zone!" The game spoke in digitized tones. "Get ready."

Daina simply watched the screen with a puzzled expression. Of course she knew that it was supposed to be entertaining, but what could be so fun about moving a man holding a huge tube that was supposed to be a gun and using it to shoot at Easter Island Moai statues.

"Firewall, I don't get it."

Michelle pressed her index finger to the ESC key, shaking her head for a moment, feeling hideously uninspired to do anything. _I can't stand this!_

"Daina, was it always this boring during downtime where you're from?."

The taller woman seemed puzzled by the question. "There's always target practice. You're supposed to be learning, yes?"

"I passed Firearm Safety but I'm far from competent. The only way I can get a bullet in someone is if he trips and lands on a box of shells and accidentally swallows one. Not everyone's a natural talent....well, everyone else here is."

"You have your own talents, _kanárek_." 

"Huh? What's that mean?"

"It means 'canary'. You sing well and look pretty but don't get the freedom you long for. You are trapped by your past, and I am trapped by culture. So, " Daina set a reassuring hand on Michelle's shoulder, "Let us take advantage of our collective boredom and find something to do."

****

"When I suggested finding something to do, I did not think we would be in the Rec Room watching The Game Show Network for four hours. What is this one?" Daina sipped on her water bottle, watching as the lights flashed on the huge game board. "This looks like it was done in the Seventies."

"Early to mid-Eighties." Firewall corrected. "It's Press Your Luck. See, you answer questions and get a chance to play the board, but if you get a Whammy...Like that poor guy there! Haha! Oh, yeah, if you get a Whammy, you lose your money, and four puts you out of the game. There was this one guy who memorized the board and won all this money, and they didn't let him come back."

"Was that cheating?"

"Not if he put his brain to work! I say more power to him!"

"What happened to this man? Do you know?"

"Yeah, he got scammed out of the money. Huh." Firewall seemed to consider this for a moment. "He scammed CBS, and then he got scammed. Funky karma there."

"If you say so." Daina leaned back. Something bothered her, but the _what_ remained elusive. Firewall had been uncommonly silent during much of their television time, only breaking out of her mute state when spoken to. While her answers were typically energetic, they never continued into any length of conversation. This worried the sniper.

"Michelle, what's bothering you?" _Time for the direct approach._

Firewall peered over, expression a fusion of guilt and confusion in one. "Bothering me? Why would anything bother me? I'm fine! See?"

"Then why have you been brooding? In the short time that I've been here, I've never seen you like this until after....ah. I see." _How could I have missed this?_ Daina kept that thought to herself, though it was so obvious. Despite her bright and friendly exterior, Firewall was hurting, and no one had taken the time to talk to her. "The battle, right?"

Firewall's dark complexion went pale, but she shook her head. "No. It wasn't really that. I mean, yeah, I was scared, but....no."

"Your partner. Daemon." 

"You don't miss much, do you?" The young woman brought her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them tightly, only succeeding in making herself appear smaller and more vulnerable. "How can I just call him 'partner'? He was my best friend here and now....he's gone."

The only immediate response received was a slow nod. Firewall knew the Czech transplant understood, having recently seen one of her own close teammates meet an end. The pain was still raw, still bleeding, oozing from every emotional pore though she did her best to lock it away and stay brave. In that respectful moment of comprehensive silence, the memory reasserted itself, as fresh as though she were witnessing it again.

****

_"Firewall, I think I just fucked up."_

The comment had been a bare whisper, but she heard him confide that assessment to her. There was no real fear, just an anxious anticipation, and he gripped her hand for a moment before sliding himself between her and the animated walking compilation of past dictators as he approached. 

"Daemon...."

Of course she had heard Serpentor babbling about something she had no idea about, but all she could think about was a solid nauseating fear as her best friend was elevated several feet in the air during the tirade.

She heard the pause in his words.

She heard the deafening snap as Daemon's spine was twisted in a way other than what nature had intended.

After that, nothing really seemed to register.

****

Of course, what had registered since then? She got her boo-boos patched up and got a nice vacation for the trouble, but it didn't patch the gaping wound over her heart nor did it give her a vacation from her pain.

"We could talk about it if you want." Daina interrupted the hacker's thoughts, merely looking over at the younger Joe with an expression of concern evident in her eyes.

"No....not yet. Maybe when I'm less raw about it...."

The only answer was slow and emphatic nod. It simply didn not do to pry into a friend's very personal pain but to offer understanding and a solid shoulder when it was required. Daina had lost plenty of comrades, too many now that she thought about it, but even one friend claimed by death was one too many. To mourn and move on is a difficult process, one her younger friend was now coming to understand.

After a long silent moment, Firewall broke the silence. "Does it ever get any easier?"

"No. It never does. It shouldn't, not if you want to honor their memories. For all the friends I have lost, I have cried for them. We are soldiers, but we are human, too." She made no move to reach to Firewall, but the intent was there, in the admission of her own private depth of emotion. "I realize that this was not a life of your choosing, but not everyone gets to pick which fork in their road they take. There are the storms that send us down darker paths, and there are those who join us on our journey only to walk off alone or fall from the path completely. The test is making it to our destination with a proud stride and no regrets. Never forget the ones who walked the path with you."

"I won't." Michelle could only whisper the words, but she shook her head, still not ready to discuss the steady ache that had been present since that eventful day. "It was my first mission, you know."

"Yes, I know, and from what I heard, you handled yourself pretty well for someone with little real experience....but next time, don't go after Cobra Commander of all people by yourself, ok?" A slight smile played at Daina's lips, her tone far from harsh.

"You heard about that?"

"More or less. Not that I intended to eavesdrop, but it had been mentioned. Brave, but not very smart." 

Firewall shrugged. "Now you tell me. But yeah, I promise. No more going after Cobra Commander without backup....like maybe ask Cover Girl to bring the Wolverine or something."

"I think that's about right. Or at least earplugs so you don't have to listen to him talk."

The two shared an amused grin at the thought, falling into a momentary laughter that shook the heaviness of air surrounding the two as they sat on the worn couch. The television set was still active, screen alive with pre-recorded individuals trying to win a trip to Jamaica or some other exciting location.

"You know, even....with losing friends, getting shot at, dodging grenades....." Firewall began, "If I were given the choice to go back to Virginia or stay here, I would stay. I'm doing something good. If I gave up now, it'd have all been for nothing."

"I am glad to hear this. Maybe 'canary' wasn't the right word for you after all. I think you have already spread your wings to fly free."

"Maybe, but flying is overrated. I think I'll just walk my path for now." Firewall settled back into the cushion, her hand going to the remote to change the channel away from the continuous assault of game shows.

"Ooh, look. It's an John Hughes movie marathon!"

Daina shook her head lightly and merely turned her attention to the rendition of Eighties teen angst, relieved that perhaps the raw feeling Firewall had mentioned possessing was finally starting to heal.

**End.**


End file.
